Asked my daughter-in-law for help concerning my blogs. What are the next steps? How should I increase readership? Should I be doing something different?
I always feel like I’m somehow out of step, and writing has kept me going these past years since disability has knocked me down.
“I’m thinking that writing might be the key to my future,” I tell her.
My daughter-in-law is a tiny whirlwind of energy and knowledge whose mind works much faster than mine. In a short period of time, she filled me in on a multitude of options, and I felt my excitement growing.
“Let’s promote one of my postings!” I directed her feverishly.
I felt on top of the world, and couldn’t sleep all night – countless possibilities consuming my brain.
The next day the rejection came. Quuu.co has specific requirements for the material it will promote and my article did not fit the criteria.
Naturally, I felt crushed at first. Then angered, followed by arrogance – why would I want to write to fit someone else’s agenda?
Finally, I recognized the truth.
“I am not ready to commit to work, yet.”
“I know you’re not,” my husband responded gently. “You still need to focus on getting better.”
There are many sides to ME/CFS, one of which is inflammation on the brain. Concentrating for any period of time can be just as exhausting as walking. Adrenal compromise is another aspect, which means anxiety or excitement (both stressors) can cause my nervous system to fire and lock on fight or flight mode, resulting in a ‘wired’ state which disrupts any hope of restorative sleep.
Motivation and drive have never been a problem for me; patience is.
Two-and-a-half years in and I’m still trying to find a way around this disease, and one day, writing might be the answer.
For now, I’m just not ready for prime time.