V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #47: In-Between

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“Shouldn’t be long,” I tell Ric before passing through into the rows of examining rooms. The receptionist who called yesterday, saying there was a cancellation, suggested this was just a consult and preliminary examination.

My health has been declining since long before we returned home. The thing about having a chronic illness is that it can relapse. I decided to wait for our return to see the doctor.

“I’m a bit of a mess,” I tell the family physician, listing my many complaints. She orders a number of tests and sets up an appointment with a specialist.

The next day she calls with two prescriptions. – antibiotics for a bacteria infection, and cream for a skin complaint.

I take the antibiotics, but don’t feel better. In fact, at the end of the dosage I am worse – running a temperature, and generally unwell. Further testing shows the bacteria is persisting. I am prescribed another round of drugs, this time stronger.

“What have your symptoms been?” the specialist asks me. I tell him what I can remember, totally forgetting the things I’m being treated for.

He leaves the room so that I can change and when he returns explains what he’s about to do. A nurse stands by to assist.

“I’m going to touch you,” he tells me as he lifts my gown, and then he stops.

“Has anyone talked to you about you your skin problem?”

“Yes; I have a cream for it.”

“What cream?” He seems agitated, but carries on with the examination, and then suddenly, he pulls away.

“You know what,” he says, taking off his gloves. “I can’t go any further until we deal with the skin.”

And then he says it…the ‘c’ word.

“Understand,” he says looking me in the eyes. “I’m not saying it is, but what I see is consistent with cancer. I have to eliminate the possibility before we can proceed.”

So they move me to another room, and prepare for a biopsy.

I don’t ask any more questions, feeling a rush of relief that someone is doing something for me (not typical with ME/cfs) and the numbness that follows the utterance of that word.

“Unfortunately,” the doctor says before dismissing me; “the labs are slow, and it will likely be three weeks before I have an answer.”

So now I wait. I’m in-between.

This week, I need your inspiration – where do you go in the in-between? How do you survive it? Or maybe the in-between is ripe with gifts?

(By the way, I’ve been here before, so not too worried – I know how it works – but it’s where my focus will be this week, lol.)

***

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

52 thoughts on “V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #47: In-Between”

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  18. VJ … your birds come to mind. On many of your postings you have posted photos or artwork with birds. Perhaps some “bird pondering” would fill time. Know that you are prayed for. Feel a gentle breeze on your face and beneath your wings. 😊

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  20. Hmm a grim situation indeed but no point worrying as it never helps – entirely in your hands to turn it into a grin situation! Try to make each day interesting by actually planning out all happy things…I know easy said than done but give it a try… my best wishes to you…

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  22. The waiting, the unknown, is the hardest part. I have been there. A definitive answer gives us that opportunity to feel in charge, make decisions. Sending positive energy your way!

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  23. I have also been in the ‘in-between’ and it’s a hard place to be, especially if you are feeling ill and your energy is low. I write when I can and pamper myself (a habit that is good to get into).

    I did a yoga and painting class once during a time of uncertainty and the teacher describe life as a “shimmering” that I could enter into and see what unfolds. I bought one of her lovely art journals and began to experiment with water colours and poems – something you do so beautifully already. I think I was just ‘living through the waiting’.

    Big hugs to you!

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  24. I had difficulty reading this, as a sense of forboding crept in with each new word you shared about your experience. Wow! Words leave me. 😦 Sending you prayers for keeping the faith in this time of waiting.

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  25. Good that the doctor is taking action to diagnose … better now than even later.
    Crossing my fingers the eventual results point to a means to interrupt your body’s current cycles, begin healing.

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  26. Oh V.J., I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. I’ll be praying for you. As you know, I recently went through this in-between with my skin cancer. My saving grace was staying busy. I know that’s not so easy when you don’t feel like doing much. On those days, I would read, work on blog stuff (mostly just admin stuff and reading other blogs), and watch shows that I actually had to think about to keep my mind busy. I hope you get your results more quickly than the doctor is expecting, dear friend. Sending gentle hugs your way.

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