First Hurdle Cleared

May 12, 2016.Reading time 1 minute.

Just returned from the hospital, having left my husband in the Cardiac Surgery Recovery Unit. He was not transferred to the unit until after 9:00 pm, so while I was able to see and touch him, he was not yet conscious. It is hard to pinpoint the gamut of emotions that have coursed through me […]

Emotional Backlash (Or Happy F*@#king Mother’s Day)

May 9, 2016.Reading time 6 minutes.

This post is hard to write, however; I have no where else to vent, and need desperately to process what has happened. Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and inadvertently my two daughters and I had booked a mani-pedi for that date, the original intention being one last pampering for my middle daughter before she goes into […]

Glimmers of Hope

May 4, 2016.Reading time 1 minute.

“I’ve had this recurring dream in which we are on vacation and he leaves me – just walks away,” I tell my therapist. “I wake up in a panic, feeling abandoned.” “Oh dear,” she says. “I wonder if these dreams would change if he started looking after himself?” “Yes!” I exclaim, relieved. These are not […]

Tribulations

May 2, 2016.Reading time 3 minutes.

Preoccupation with my own woes blinded me to my husband’s suffering, which culminated in a heart attack on Saturday night. We are shell-shocked. “That’s what happens to caregivers,” a callous nurse commented. Am I supposed to feel guilty? Unable to either drive myself, or push my own wheelchair, I am reliant on the goodwill of […]

Hawk Inspired

March 10, 2016.Reading time 13 minutes.

(A short story; fiction.) The grey days are the hardest; you know the ones, when the clouds, so full of tears, are working themselves up to a full-blown cry. My projection, I know, but I prefer to think that the weather mirrors my own inner gloom. I am less alone that way. This winter has […]

Handicapped Attitudes

March 9, 2016.Reading time 5 minutes.

I’ve aspired to many things in my life, however; being an obstacle wasn’t one of them. And yet, here I am, the woman with wheels, slowing down the flow of traffic. (What’s the opposite of bionic?) I always try to pack my sense of humour when I venture out, knowing how frustrating it can be […]

Imagine

If we could lift understandingto indigenous teachingsexpand our loveto earth, sky, and seaMake personal gain tabooand Ancients a weigh point If we could witness the mountainsslow floating across the skyand touch the dolphin’s soulanxiously swimmingwhere tuna are netted Would we cower at our insignificanceor move forward, learning to acceptthat all of life is deeply woveninto […]

Dear Child

I know a little girl,whose hair in ringletsfalls, unkempt from lackof brushing; who standswhen she should be sitting;who laughs with defiance whenchallenged, her dark eyes gleamingwith mischief; who holds her chin uphigh and stamps her feet, arms foldedin protest when she does not get her way. I see that little girl,have watched her play,with a […]

Re-de-fine-d

Ask me how I’m doingand I’ll say “fine”, notbecause I’m actually fine,but because “fine” is the onlysocially acceptable response. If I said that I have been lyinghere, for three hours now,willing my body to move,that would elicit unsolicitedadvice and tarnish my “fine”. I’d berate myself for breakingmy promise not to moan,knowing that complainingprovokes a compulsive […]