Stop the Spinning

Call it circling, call it dancing, it’s all the same – I end up at the same point. Caught between the idealism of expectation and the harshness of reality. One has lofty goals, the other invites limitations.

I once believed, not in circles, but in spirals – a continual movement marking progress. Now, with time running out, I’m not so sure. Those regrets I said I’d never take to my death bed are closing in.

I’ve excuses aplenty – chronic illness, chronic busyness – but none of that assuages the ambition. Incomplete works dangle from spider web threads waiting for me to rescue them. The talking to myself is not working. Need to step out of this dichotomy and stop the whirling. Break my dreams into goals, into steps, and stopping the spinning.

***

This week’s focus was ‘circling‘ and the responses were as diverse and creative as usual. Please take a moment to visit and be inspired:

Premonitions, Reena Saxena
Circling, syncwithdeep
Savior, I Write Her
Abyss!, radhikasreflection
We fall down, we get up, Eugi’s Causerie
The Biggest Fight in History, MMA Storytime
Words for You, Hearing the Mermaids Sing
Oblivious, J.E. Goldie
What If, parallax
Un-Caged, Sgeoil
Let it go, Shilpa Nairy
Instant Summer, Stuff and what if…

Passing The Time

Pursuing feathered inspiration takes me to quiet rural settings. At home, I pour over images, and “picturate” as my husband calls it – altering the photos to create something new.

I spend time daily, crafting poetry, inspired by images, or dreams, or prompts. Often I combine the poems with the artistic photos:

(Photo taken on Vancouver Island, April 2018)

I’m also spending my time writing a community newsletter for our retirement community, and as a retired teacher, offering support to my grandchildren for their online learning. I’ve even created a YouTube account so that I can read to my granddaughters – posting videos for them to replay when they need a Grandma fix.

And in between, I am reliving the years of art I missed as a child, experimenting with pencil, ink, charcoal, and watercolour:

How are you passing this time, staying home?

(Submitted for Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: pastimes)

VJ’s Weekly Challenge #96: circling

I reach out to Mother only to discover she is missing; she has gone in search of me.

The dream unsettles me. I capture the essence by writing it down, then set the words aside, not knowing where to begin. The sorrow lingers.

I remember the moment I knew I’d been displaced in my mother’s life. I was four and needing Mother’s comfort. I sought to sit on her lap, only the lap was already taken: a wriggling, crying infant now took precedence. So, I learned to find solace from another Mother – Nature’s reassuring presence.

“I depended on you for so much,” Mom told me once, catching me by surprise. “You were my rock – independent, smart – and also an enigma. I felt inadequate as a mother.”

I learned not to need my mother, through childhood, adolescence (left home at seventeen) and even throughout my own parenting years. There was always something more pressing than me.

More often than not, it was I who played the adult role – consoling, listening, attempting to be therapist. I helped her get a lawyer when life with Dad became to much. I defended her against the outrage of older siblings, and counselled her out of suicidal tendencies.

“Even a rock needs a mother,” I should have said.

Part of the sorrow I feel, is that now she is 93 and her time is running out, I may never find the mothering that four year old self yearns for.

“You won’t let me die alone, will you?” she asked me recently. Of course not.

Ironically, the dream tells me, while I’ve been searching for her, she’s been searching for me, as if our entire lives we have circled each other without closing the gap – maintaining an illusion of distance.

****

There are patterns which emerge in one’s life, circling and returning anew, an endless variation of a theme.

– Jacqueline Carey, Kushiel’s Chosen

Circling becomes the focus this week. Birds do it, dogs do it, we do it. Respond in whatever way the muse leads you, and then create a link back to this page. I look forward to your insights.

Weaving Bits and Pieces

Nuances of nostalgia
jagged
succumbing
cubes
unsuspecting
nourishment
moving and opening
I distract
We grapple
under construction
meaning percolates
this is life
these bits and pieces of a
resurrection
dragons and time machines
ticket stubs
scattered.

Every week I challenge you with a focus, and every week you amaze. ‘Bits and pieces’ was the prompt this week, and the diverse responses, woven together, created this glimpse of life’s bits and pieces. Thanks to all who participated. If I missed anyone, please let me know:

bits and pieces, syncwithdeep
Jagged, Hearing the Mermaids Sing
Succumbing, I Write Her
Stine Writing
Let it be known, Eugi’s Causerie
Bits and Pieces, Reena Saxena
THE BAG LADY
Therapy Bits
A Black Belt in Anti-Bullying, MMA Storytime
Tits and Bits, Heart to Heart
Covid-Blues, Stuff and what if…
Sharing Thoughts
Never Forgotten, parallax
Of Dragons and Time machines, Musing of a CowCorn (…)
Bits and Pieces of the Past, one letter UP
Shattered, Sgeoil

See you tomorrow for a new challenge!

Early Morning Recharge

The dogs stir at the first hint of daylight. I rise with them, grumbling about lack of sleep, until the sun emerges full and bright – something we haven’t seen in awhile.

“I used to be a morning person,” I say out loud. I’m am feeling the unrest of being shut in.

Ric emerges just after 7:00 am and I’m tell him I’m thinking about taking the camera out.

I drive to the centre of town, where the main street bridge crosses the river. Immediately, I spot an unfamiliar shape at the water’s edge.

Back at home, I research and find this is a Yellow Legs, although not sure whether is a Lesser or Greater. Apparently, they migrate through here.

Further down the river a pair of Mallards hover over their newborns. The shadow of an eagle passing overhead sends the family scurrying for cover.

The air is still wintry cold, but my heart is warmed by the beauty of the day. At the end of the outing, I will have encountered many different species of birds, heralding the start of warmer days. With over 400 photos to process, I am bursting with renewed energy.

Thank goodness, I didn’t just go back to bed.

The Crop and Finish

Taken last winter in Texas, this image of a Great Egret coming in for a landing just felt too busy to me, so when I saw Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Cropping the Shot; I decided to give it a try.

As much as I like the other two birds in the photo, the egret really is my focus, so I cut them out.

And then, because it’s what I do, I played with the image to create art: