Something to Love

June 1, 2022.Reading time 1 minute.

I met a woman once, so debilitated by disease that my impulse was to recoil. Then I remembered the words of one of my teachers: “There is something to love about everyone”, and I checked myself, and realized that this woman must have an incredibly strong will to live. I told her so, and noted […]

After the fear…

May 25, 2022.Reading time less than 1 minute.

Not Everything is Defined by Age

May 4, 2022.Reading time less than 1 minute.

As a child, I knew no limits, setting out on adventures with never a fear for how I’d find my way back home. Now, nestled in my home, I limit myself to certainties, fearful of risks. Some days, I wonder about that child, and how it would feel to wander freely, and it makes me […]

Changing the Lens

March 7, 2022.Reading time 1 minute.

Reading through old journals, so much focuses on lack of money. I express guilt for not providing enough as a single mother, anger for being abandoned by my children’s father, and shame for having to rely on others. The feelings still linger. And then I hear my father’s voice: “The good Lord always provides.” And […]

Where is Home?

February 28, 2022.Reading time 2 minutes.

I ask my three-year-old self to show me her home, and she points to the floor beneath the formica-topped table in the kitchen. There, caged within the chrome legs of table and chairs, she is out of the path of adult legs, whose movements are as unpredictable as their moods. I ask my four-year-old self […]

Thoughts on Gates and Fences

March 20, 2020.Reading time 2 minutes.

My childhood home was surrounded by fence, bordered by tall cedars – we had a secret to keep. I learned not to trust neighbours. I learned the price of shame. At the back of the yard was a gate that opened onto a field and beyond that a wooded area. There I found serenity, connection, […]

Sculpting

January 2, 2020.Reading time 1 minute.

The best openings are the one’s we carve for ourselves. We spent New Year’s Eve reminiscing about eighteen years of togetherness. Stayed up past midnight, and talked about our future. Hope coloured our words. Sculpting has been on my mind – not literally, but in the sense of chipping away at the outer facade to […]

Wintry Rebellion

December 31, 2019.Reading time 1 minute.

Tracks on ice remind me that even in the depth of winter there is movement. I am conflicted by the onset of cold: resigned to spending more time indoors, and already feeling the restlessness set in. Art projects line up, encouraged by the many related gifts I received for Christmas. Writing calls to me too […]

“It’s the Best!”

December 12, 2019.Reading time 2 minutes.

“Wait till I tell my Mom I’m having hot chocolate for dinner! Do you have marshmallows, too?” she’d excitedly asked the waitress. “No marshmallows, but we have whip cream.” “Oh yum!” Children are so easy to please. I’d been in emergency all day, but didn’t want to cancel plans, so Ric picked her up from […]

More Hole Than Whole

November 24, 2019.Reading time 2 minutes.

The woman in the mirror is flawedage spots where freckles once sprouted,streaks of white, peppering former auburn,inner scars marking discontent. How then is she expectedto know wholeness? In days when mind was sharpself-confidence wobbled;when spirituality was planted,self-judgment undermined. The path to wholenesspitted with potholes. How often emotion overrodecommon sense, and choicesled her astray, how thickthe […]

Is Progress This?

Is this progress,this decision to uproot,cast possessions aside,free ourselves of ties? Can his dependency,my dependency, endurethe transition, releasedfrom former justifications? We are companionsembarking on adventure,companions retiring pastlies, redefining possibility Or, is this more of the same,artfully camouflaged –a continuance of flightfrom tyrannical origins? The paths behind are jagged,wrought with rocks and crevicesand scarred riddles, and […]

Strategy

One more trainand she’d be awayfar enoughto lose him Scavenged in her bagsearching for a ticketand courage…could use a dose of courage Thought of her motherhow torn up she’d be;of her sister, confinedto long-term care Call for boarding and a decision –neck smarting fromlast confrontation He wielded his handslike weapons. his wordslike knives – her […]

Denouement

I fear the denouement –the moment of reckoningwhen the winding pathunravels; when intentions,transient at best, revealthemselves as common liesand soul crumples before lightrecognizing this is not the end. (Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @ Vjknutson. Image my own.)