Growing with gratitude for life's challenges
ME/CFS is a mean mistress, whose sole purpose is to keep me down. She is a dominatrix thriving on my submission, wielding her whip with heartlessness, and when she tires of the lashes – has me wincing in pain – she tosses the whip in my direction, tauntingly daring me to defend myself, knowing full well that […]
Read More“Pay attention to your inner child,” my therapist advised me when I first got sick. It seems that fear causes emotional regression and any needs suppressed over the years come barreling forward in irrational outbursts. Hard to deny that one from where I’m sitting. I’ve been dreaming about children lately – children in my care – […]
Read MoreSome mornings I just don’t want to wake up, I’m having such a good dream. It happened this morning: there I was wrapped in the arms of an unrequited love, discovering what we had missed all these years. G.W., the subject of these dreams, was a high school classmate. He was tall, blond with blue […]
Read MoreThis pedestal of responsibility has elevated me, out of reach, out of touch, lumps together children, mate, mother sister… Caregiver extraordinaire, present overcrowded by obligations, am unwell, off topic, fed up, surely… I am other abled, have room for more, non martyr related, hesitant to plan, my purpose for being so intricately tuned to the […]
Read MoreI think there is something wrong with my internal compass. Seriously. It’s like every time I set out to do something, I end up in a totally different direction. Is it just me? When I was twenty-one, for example, I bought a one-way ticket to England where I planned to live, work, and study Shakespearean […]
Read MoreThere is a woman following me around, stabbing me in the chest every time I go near my husband, so I go off on my own. The pain is too much to bear. “Why are you alone?” someone asks me. “It’s just easier that way.” “Why don’t you stab her back?” “She only wounds me, […]
Read MoreWrote a prescription for the perfect man: made him tall, strong, romantic, dependable, family oriented; told myself I was ready. Projected expectations onto the first likely candidate – single dad, three full-time kids – read desire in his brooding eyes, ignored the burden of his grief, the irrational speed at which we moved, the complications […]
Read MoreI’ve been dreaming of hands lately – a single hand emerging from a pile of debris, or appearing around a corner – and it’s got me thinking about them. Why hands? I made a list of all the ways we use hand in our language: a hand up, helping hand, healing hands, lending a hand, […]
Read MoreI have this recurring dream that I am teaching a class, composed of adults and adolescents, which is spread out over three rooms. Try as I might to build community through ice breaking activities, it is physically impossible to reach all the students at one time. I am reminded of how it feels to teach […]
Read MoreSaw a picture of you today – us, just approaching sixteen – and instantly recognized the awkwardness with which you carry yourself: the painful self-consciousness, never knowing quite where you fit in or even if you are good enough to be in the picture. Since today is our birthday, I decided to dedicate this post […]
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One Woman's Quest II 