Growing with gratitude for life's challenges
Even when illness is chronic there is a tendency to look for signs and hope of healing. It catches me every time : the false hope that I may have turned a corner. Undeniably, there is progress. Last night I was able to bathe alone without worry of falling or passing out. Last year, I […]
Read MoreME/CFS is a mean mistress, whose sole purpose is to keep me down. She is a dominatrix thriving on my submission, wielding her whip with heartlessness, and when she tires of the lashes – has me wincing in pain – she tosses the whip in my direction, tauntingly daring me to defend myself, knowing full well that […]
Read More“How are you?” my friend asked me the other morning – an innocuous enough question, if the recipient is not suffering from chronic illness. Apart from the odd text here and there, I hadn’t talked to this friend for months, so I answered a pat: “Better.” I had really called her because I knew she […]
Read More“Pay attention to your inner child,” my therapist advised me when I first got sick. It seems that fear causes emotional regression and any needs suppressed over the years come barreling forward in irrational outbursts. Hard to deny that one from where I’m sitting. I’ve been dreaming about children lately – children in my care – […]
Read MoreI am not always in possession of my own faculties and the resulting anger lashes out, mostly at my husband, whom I hope recognizes it is seldom personal. I hate myself in these moments – not all of me – just the malfunctioning parts. It happens when I overexert myself. Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease is the new […]
Read More“Are you guys brother and sister?” the question came from our soon-to-be five-year-old granddaughter. Dropped off by her mother for an overnight stay, we had a day of cousins and uncles and aunts, and of course, Grandma and Grandpa. I brushed off her comment with a: “No, we’re married”, but the innocent observation shook me. […]
Read MoreIf you’ve ever wondered what living with a disability feels like, imagine this: Judgment is your constant companion. Family, friends, and even total strangers will suddenly feel entitled to express opinions about your condition, lack of trying, mental attitude, the latest trends in healing, and so on. You may be berated for using a handicap […]
Read MoreI have this recurring dream that I am teaching a class, composed of adults and adolescents, which is spread out over three rooms. Try as I might to build community through ice breaking activities, it is physically impossible to reach all the students at one time. I am reminded of how it feels to teach […]
Read MoreA week after my husband completed thirty-five rounds of radiation for Stage III Prostate cancer, and a year to the date that I learned surgery to remove cancerous tissues from my breast was successful, Ric fell down a flight of steps rupturing his quad tendon. Ten weeks after surgery, he would fall again, causing further […]
Read MoreLiving with ME/CFS is often a matter of trial and error – the line between what the body is capable of and overexertion is never quite definable, except in the aftermath. Yesterday, I accompanied my daughter to Costco, which was teeming with cars and people. We found a parking spot close to the entrance, and […]
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One Woman's Quest II 