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Lines of Control

“Why do you always wear black; you look so much better in colours.” Then when you wear colour:  “You look like your mother in that outfit.  I prefer you in black.” “You’re not going to eat that, are you?  A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” “You […]

Not Quite

His name was Almost, but we called him “Not Quite”.  He was tall, all awkward elbows and knees, as only a sixteen-year-old can be.  Wore his hair neatly cut, unlike many of that time.  He had dark, brooding eyes and a hawkish nose, and he was my boyfriend. We were […]

Televised Sports and Tantrums

What is unresolved in childhood resurfaces in adult relationships; it rears its head with all the finesse and grace of a child throwing a tantrum. I am guilty of such behaviour. Movie nights with Mom happened once a week.  Dad would be at work, and Mom would make a big […]

Dancing In Heaven

“I’m in trouble!”  My sister’s voice was weak but charged with panic.  “Help me!” “What have you done?” She’d locked us all out of her apartment that weekend; said she was tired of being sick, tired of people hovering over her.  She wanted to be independent. Reluctantly, we gave her […]

The Eyes Say It All

I put down the cellphone and glanced to see my husband seething across the table. “I can’t believe you answered that during dinner!” “I thought it was important,” I pleaded for forgiveness.  It hadn’t been important, a social call from my sister.  “Sorry.”  We were dining out; I don’t know […]

Needs and Relationship

Needs, it seems, are an important ingredient in any healthy relationship.  I’ve been listening to Esther Perel’s podcast:  Where Should We Begin? and in almost every couple’s counselling session she records, needs come up. “I’ve never been any good at identifying my needs,” I tell my therapist in a recent […]

What Does It Take To Belong?

We roll into our new neighbourhood cautiously guided by an old-timer, who after we finally manage to maneuver into our RV site, introduces himself as Graham. “Been here since the park first opened,”  he beams and then proceeds to point to each of the other trailers and run down who’s […]

Divorce Through the Rear View Mirror

Perspective is everything and seldom appreciated until the offending circumstances are well in the rear view mirror. When my former marriage fell apart, I did the unthinkable and moved out. The one that leaves loses, I’d heard over and over.  I was hell-bent that I would not lose. What I […]