Building a Marriage

Sometimes ‘aha’ moments come out of the most unexpected events. I think it started with a compliment from my son.  He and his new wife had invited the family for dinner last night, and as my husband was tied up all day, Jay offered to pick me up early. “You look nice, Mom!” were the […]

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The Aftermath of A Catastrophic Divorce

Marital breakdown is a catastrophic event for the whole family – one minute you’re driving down the road, all three kids on board, headed for routine activities, and the next you’ve hit a wall of water with nowhere to go but to bail out.  You might swerve off the road to avoid going under, and […]

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Disability’s Rage

I am not always in possession of my own faculties and the resulting anger lashes out, mostly at my husband, whom I hope recognizes it is seldom personal. I hate myself in these moments – not all of me – just the malfunctioning parts. It happens when I overexert myself.  Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease is the new […]

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Only In Dreams

Some mornings I just don’t want to wake up, I’m having such a good dream.  It happened this morning:  there I was wrapped in the arms of an unrequited love, discovering what we had missed all these years. G.W., the subject of these dreams, was a high school classmate.  He was tall, blond with blue […]

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Who Am I, If Not Responsible?

This pedestal of responsibility has elevated me, out of reach, out of touch, lumps together children, mate, mother sister… Caregiver extraordinaire, present overcrowded by obligations, am unwell, off topic, fed up, surely… I am other abled, have room for more, non martyr related, hesitant to plan, my purpose for being so intricately tuned to the […]

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Cutting the Psychic Ties

There is a woman following me around, stabbing me in the chest every time I go near my husband, so I go off on my own.  The pain is too much to bear.   “Why are you alone?” someone asks me. “It’s just easier that way.” “Why don’t you stab her back?” “She only wounds me, […]

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Love As a Four-Letter Word

My aunt gave up her daughter for a chance at love. Can’t remember which marriage it was – there were seven in all – but he didn’t want children, so she just asked around if someone would take M, then sixteen. A few relatives tried, but my cousin, the depths of whose rejection is unfathomable, strayed […]

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Denial Is a Poor Example

“Your homework for this week is to write about the things your mother taught you,” my psychologist advised at the end of our session. Memories have been resurfacing and along with them rage.  I am incensed that I was never protected from some of the things that happened to me. “Well, she taught me that […]

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“Are You Brother and Sister?”

“Are you guys brother and sister?”  the question came from our soon-to-be five-year-old granddaughter.  Dropped off by her mother for an overnight stay, we had a day of cousins and uncles and aunts, and of course, Grandma and Grandpa. I brushed off her comment with a:  “No, we’re married”, but the innocent observation shook me. […]

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Learn From My Mistakes: Relationships

Wrote a prescription for the perfect man: made him tall, strong, romantic, dependable, family oriented; told myself I was ready. Projected expectations onto the first likely candidate – single dad, three full-time kids – read desire in his brooding eyes, ignored the burden of his grief, the irrational speed at which we moved, the complications […]

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