Life presents challenges and I stumble to keep up. Chronic illness continues to form the backdrop of my life, so it becomes the baseline for any actions I take. Ric and I made a commitment to our health and our community this year, and that means that I have been more physically active than usual. Since my envelope – capacity for energy – has not increased, I am called to make decisions.
Taking a break over Christmas was part of that process. Still, the emails continue to pile up and the number of unread posts becomes insurmountable. I am seeking a solution that simplifies my life once again. Here is what I’ve decided:
Posting less. For now, I am trying to post only once per day, alternating blogs (I have two). Longterm, I would like to achieve a device-free day.
Selective reading. Some of you wow me with your prolific creativity, and I try to follow and encourage, but it has become too much. In order to spread my attention across the blogging community, I will limit myself to one or two posts from a single source.
Scheduling posts in advance. I love the prompts, as witnessed by my weekly challenge. Keeping up with them all, however, just adds to my current stress. I will participate when possible, but preference will be given to pre-scheduling posts. It’s like buying a bit of security.
This forum for connecting means so much and I want to continue to grow my relationships. Would love to hear how you juggle it all.
Thanks to all who participated this week. I missed your unique insights. Nice to be back.
Warmer weather encourages us to get out. We take the short ferry ride across to Port Aransas on Mustang Island. Paradise Pond is our destination.
Many others have had the same idea and gather around the opening to the boardwalk. I look for what has caught their attention and spot a bird rapidly flitting about some fallen logs.
“Acts like a nuthatch,” Ric says, but I know what this is. I saw one last year, but was unable to get its photo. A Black and White Warbler!
Isn’t his pattern outstanding! If you look closer, there is a smorgasbord of small flies that he is feasting on.
I break from the crowd and spot several groupings of turtles, amongst them many small ones. A sure sign of spring.
Two ibises float in and land within the thick tangle of fallen branches. The closest one to me is sporting his breeding colours. It’s exciting to be here at this time of year.
I also spot Blue-Winged Teals, a Pied-Billed Grebe, the local Yellow-Rumped Warbler and many grackles. Then Ric flags me over. People have gathered around him and he points to a low branch near the slimy water.
A bright yellow-orange bird lights up the area.
“What is it?” I ask raising my lens.
“A Prothonotary Warbler,” someone responds.
Definitely a first for me!
Before we leave the Whistling Ducks show up, and the Great Egret makes a show of grooming himself, flaunting his breeding allure.
What a great outing, and this is only the first stop!
I’m struggling with myself. It isn’t the first time, and I’m certain it won’t be the last.
There is no definable reason, and yet my emotional self tries to find blame: it’s Ric’s behaviour; it’s because I’m homesick; it’s my illness.
Rationally, I recognize that my life is full of blessings right now, and this is how depression works. It is a back and forth tug-of-rope between the logical and illogical.
I try to counter every negative thought with a positive one. When my dark self complains that I am trapped and have lost my independence, the lighter side reminds me that I have choices. When the shadows plant seeds of resentment; I fight them with affirmations of gratitude.
Today, I just wanted to stay in bed – let sleep numb the angst, but then Ric suggested a drive and I pulled myself out of it.
When I’m feeling this way, it’s one moment at a time. I distract, remind myself to keep breathing, try to eat healthy.
I feel like I’m biding my time – just waiting for this funk to lift.
Why does this happen? I read once that are hundreds of reasons for depression. Almost all of them applied at the time. Can’t remember any of them right now. Does it even matter?
This too shall pass, I am sure. For now, it’s just one of those unanswerable aspects of life.
(My weekly challenge is unanswerable. When I set the challenge, I had no idea where it would lead. I guess it’s inviting me look at my shadow.)
“I always start with questions that I can’t answer.
Otherwise you get bored halfway through if you already know the answers. If you’re asking what seem to be unanswerable questions, then you have to keep showing up.”
– Barbara Kingsolver From A Talk in the Woods, by Kevin Larimer Featured in Poets & Writers, November/ December 2018
From the moment I came across this quotation, I knew I wanted to use it in my weekly challenges, and yet, week after week, I have put it off. Not sure why, but today has been elected as the day.
Some questions in life are unanswerable. We may think we’ve found a solution, or come to some understanding, and then wham: life throws us a twist that proves us wrong, or demonstrates that our perception is limited.
I do not, at this point, have any idea how I am going to approach this challenge, other than to stay open, listen to the questions buzzing around my head, and let the muses guide me.
I look forward to your responses.
To participate is as easy as creating a post on your own blog (on the topic) and linking back to this page. Tag VJWC and be sure to read the posts of others.
As I type up each week’s summary, creating links to various blogs, I am struck by how different blog names are, and compelled to ask: what’s in a name? Specifically, your blog name.
Mine, One Woman’s Quest, comes from a lifetime of searching for knowledge, understanding, and deeper connection. Left mostly to my own devices, I learned early to turn to a higher power and ask questions. I understood that God answers through signs, omens, and messengers, and that it was up to me to decode the response. I never once doubted a divine presence, and I felt compelled to find a path that aligned me with that greater will.
My quests have led me to higher education, and to study esoteric schools of thought. I have travelled many different paths, often non-traditional, and gathered a wealth of experience.
And still, I quest. A statement that no doubt will carry me to my grave.
So now you know.
What’s in your blog’s name?
(Note: even if there is no deep, hidden meaning, I challenge you to make one up – surprise us all.)
If you are new here, please join in. Just create a post in response to the challenge, and link it up to this one.