Tightrope Walking

While my husband remains in the Cardiac Surgery Recovery Unit (CSRU), I am struggling to maintain some sort of equilibrium so that my own health (ME/CFS) does not worsen.  It is a tightrope walk, for sure. The day of surgery, I went to the hospital twice, both for extended periods of time.  When I woke […]

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First Hurdle Cleared

Just returned from the hospital, having left my husband in the Cardiac Surgery Recovery Unit.  He was not transferred to the unit until after 9:00 pm, so while I was able to see and touch him, he was not yet conscious. It is hard to pinpoint the gamut of emotions that have coursed through me […]

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Glimmers of Hope

“I’ve had this recurring dream in which we are on vacation and he leaves me – just walks away,” I tell my therapist.  “I wake up in a panic, feeling abandoned.” “Oh dear,” she says.  “I wonder if these dreams would change if he started looking after himself?” “Yes!” I exclaim, relieved.  These are not […]

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Tribulations

Preoccupation with my own woes blinded me to my husband’s suffering, which culminated in a heart attack on Saturday night.  We are shell-shocked. “That’s what happens to caregivers,” a callous nurse commented.  Am I supposed to feel guilty? Unable to either drive myself, or push my own wheelchair, I am reliant on the goodwill of […]

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