Another Medical Dead End

I had hope for the new doctor.  His assistant said he is persistent, will get to the bottom of what is going on.  After two visits, he has dismissed me. Maybe it’s my fault. I have been noncompliant.  I didn’t take the pills prescribed.  I refused a CT scan with dye.  In fairness, the doctor […]

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Systemic Describes ME/CFS

Systemic best describes the characteristic of ME/CFS:  the exhaustion, like a lead weight, hits muscles, organs, and brain creating an overall resistance to movement.  Physical energy is engaged in a battle against spirit. Two weeks ago, I attended wedding preparations and celebrations, babysat my five-year-old granddaughter, and felt like I was finally progressing beyond this […]

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Armed with Info

The floor reached out for me, pulling me down with alarming force.  I fought to remain upright, waves of nausea weakening my resolve.  One hand flew to my brow – now a pool of sweat – while the other searched for the phone. I’m calling 9-1-1, I texted my husband. “Stay with us, V.J.!”  the […]

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Time To Press Reset

Even when illness is chronic there is a tendency to look for signs and hope of healing.  It catches me every time : the false hope that I may have turned a corner. Undeniably, there is progress.  Last night I was able to bathe alone without worry of falling or passing out.  Last year, I would […]

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A Bad Day

ME/CFS is a mean mistress, whose sole purpose is to keep me down.  She is a dominatrix thriving on my submission, wielding her whip with heartlessness, and when she tires of the lashes – has me wincing in pain – she tosses the whip in my direction, tauntingly daring me to defend myself, knowing full well that […]

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Better Is A Relative Expression

“How are you?” my friend asked me the other morning – an innocuous enough question, if the recipient is not suffering from chronic illness. Apart from the odd text here and there, I hadn’t talked to this friend for months, so I answered a pat: “Better.” I had really called her because I knew she […]

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