Currently Learning…

aging, inspiration, Thoughts, , 36 Comments

Reflection, not resolution, is my year end practice. What did the past year bring? What did I learn? What, if anything, was I missing?

After so many years of isolation, due to illness, then COVID, we have definitely been thrown back into social interaction. I had come to love solitude. I had surrendered fully and accepted that this is where my life had led me – a time rich with creativity.

Now life draws me out again and I’m not sure how that should look. The gregarious, outgoing, woman that I once was, no longer exists – illness has made certain of that. Nor did I particularly like her – too outspoken, sometimes overpowering. 

The new year, it seems, will be an opportunity to redefine myself, yet again. Perhaps, given my current limitations, I am learning to be a quieter, more observant participant in life. More presence, and less PRESENCE – if that makes sense. 

Quiet isn’t the word I’m searching for… it’s a softer, more gentle version of myself that I seek. 

Life’s lesson continue…

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

36 thoughts on “Currently Learning…”

  4. I think of life as happening in chapters. Each chapter has a purpose and our role in life changes from chapter to chapter. We don’t have to prove ourselves to anyone. We are what we are and if solitude makes us happy, then it’s meant to be. Enjoy the chapter you are in and be yourself. 💕

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  5. What a great idea – to use the year end for reflection not resolutions. You’ve had some big changes in your life in recent years and looking back on it allows you to see that what you thought might be a negative has had a number of silver linings. Bravo!

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  7. Thanks for the reflection, VJ. I have thought a lot about this balance – about introverts and extroverts. I used to be critical of myself for saying “no” to social engagements until I read “Quiet… in a World that Won’t Stop Talking” an excellent book that helped me see how socializing exhausts me while it energizes my extrovert husband. I do embrace solitude (and creativity) playing with both writing and art since I retired and limiting social engagements. My favorite groups are groups of two. I am grateful for the choices I have now.if

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  9. When I started to go out more after my illness almost 10 years ago, I found when I was out, I was treated and looked upon more kindly and treated kindlier as well. Maybe it was my new accessory, my cane. More doors were opened, people gave me their seats – things like that. The sympathetic looks, while kind, bothered me the most. It sounds nice, but really, when I went out this change was a reminder of my limitations. Staying home I feel more my old self, I don’t think about the change. I certainly understand “more presence, and less presence.” I see it as taking everything in, but not necessarily actively participating in everything.

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    1. I was just listening to a podcast the other day about the invisibility of age. I feel like I’m there – not physically, but in terms of anyone expecting input from me.

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      1. That is interesting. I think for myself, there is some expectation to be as before, but they, most of them have adjusted to that as well. Maybe it is not just us that needs to adjust but those around us have to accept the changes as well.

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  10. I’ve always leaned more toward solitude. When social events call, I have to give myself a pep talk, otherwise I will find a way to talk myself out of attending. Most often I enjoy myself once I am there, but am most satisfied when I return home…a cross between satisfaction that I did it and the reward being “home”.

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  11. Your post made me reflect on an article I’m preparing to write for my substack publication Room with a Door. It has to do with choosing a word that represents the whole year, a Word for the Year. This is not the same as making a resolution (or several) which tend to be forgotten about or abandoned halfway through the year (or earlier). But the idea of choosing a Word for the Year really appeals to me, partly because I am also very isolated. If I chose a good word to focus on, will it help me to balance out isolation and socialization more effectively? (time will tell)

    Sometimes, I think I should go out and make more of an effort to socialize and then I do and it’s hit miss… not sure just how much outside interactions I want (or need). When people are plagued with illnesses or injuries, it makes it more difficult which has not been the case for me but for people around me. I’m aware of it, is what I’m saying.

    But, as you know, solitude breeds creativity (for creative types like you and me) and I’m sure your art and writing will fill your time pleasantly. 🙂

    Anyway, I hope you will slide into the new year with health and happiness! All the best, from Claudette

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    1. Thanks Claudette. Good to know I’m not the only one who struggles with the solitude vs social thing. I’m actually hoping for one of Winter storms so I don’t have to make the effort to decide, lol.

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      3. Oh dear one…that means so much. You must be tuned into the Universe this morning. We had a bit of a bumpy holiday and you know how some of us second guess ourselves — over and over again. Your kind words gave me just the lift I needed this morning.
        Much love! ❤️❤️❤️

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