Growing with gratitude for life's challenges
Two years ago, I was barely able to get out of bed. Two years ago, I wondered if life would ever get better, or if I was doomed to a future of isolation and deprivation. Words were the weapon I employed to battle my way out of the kind of depression that accompanies debilitating illness. […]
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Before illness, I counted days and hours, not out of drudgery – I had stretched myself beyond normal limitations. Before illness, I wore responsibility like a hero and defined by work, prioritized tasks above well-being. Before illness, I joked about the disabled, lounging around, living the life of leisure, usurping the system. Before illness, I […]
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The ‘misspent’ years of my youth were dedicated to sneaking into blues bars, underage, to catch the soulful music of Muddy Waters, Downchild Blues Band, and even B.B. King himself. I was hooked on blues, so the thought of visiting Memphis thrilled me. Beale Street was top of my list of ‘must sees’. To kick […]
Read More“I had lunch with some of your old colleagues yesterday and we were talking about you.” Never a good start to a conversation when your relationship to the mentioned parties ended the day you stopped working. “Oh, who?” The people mentioned are acquaintances, only one actually worked with me and it was before ME/CFS struck. […]
Read MoreMy living room has beautiful big picture windows facing two directions, allotting me a full view of the neighbour’s front gardens to the north, and the constant comings and goings on the street in front of the house. Lying on the couch with my morning cup of tea is how I like to greet the […]
Read MoreI had hope for the new doctor. His assistant said he is persistent, will get to the bottom of what is going on. After two visits, he has dismissed me. Maybe it’s my fault. I have been noncompliant. I didn’t take the pills prescribed. I refused a CT scan with dye. In fairness, the doctor […]
Read MoreSystemic best describes the characteristic of ME/CFS: the exhaustion, like a lead weight, hits muscles, organs, and brain creating an overall resistance to movement. Physical energy is engaged in a battle against spirit. Two weeks ago, I attended wedding preparations and celebrations, babysat my five-year-old granddaughter, and felt like I was finally progressing beyond this […]
Read MoreTo-do list: write publish a blog post shower and dress strip the bed and remake vacuum and dust bedroom put away groceries from yesterday prep veggies for cooking make vegetable curry make red lentil kale soup make spicy tomato chick pea soup put away clothes from laundry Reality: slept late wrote and published blog post […]
Read MoreFrankenstein legs, I call them, these long, slender appendages once a treasured asset, now stiff and unpredictable. Hunchbacked is my stance thanks to weakened back muscles. Cruella de Vil has nothing on me, my formerly auburn waves salt and pepper with a shock of white at the front. And when I speak there is hesitation […]
Read MoreNeeds, it seems, are an important ingredient in any healthy relationship. I’ve been listening to Esther Perel’s podcast: Where Should We Begin? and in almost every couple’s counselling session she records, needs come up. “I’ve never been any good at identifying my needs,” I tell my therapist in a recent session. “In fact, from an […]
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One Woman's Quest II 