Growing with gratitude for life's challenges
Pain. I push against it. Challenge it, like a warrior intent on proving that I am indestructible, unwilling to flinch. If I ignore it, I tell myself, then it will cease to have power over me. Except, bit by bit it gnaws at my edges, tearing me down and just as I’m about to succumb […]
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“I’ll cover the lying down!” I tell the two strangers, who have just entered my bedroom assessing what needs to be moved. “Good idea!” the tall, lanky one named Josh answers. The outside air is heavy with the threat of a downpour. Inside I pull a blanket over my prone body. I hear the grunts […]
Read More“Grandma, when will you be better?” It is 5:00 on a school morning, and I am sitting at my granddaughter’s bedside nursing her through a sore tummy. “Not sure, Honey.” “Oh,” she shrugs. She is four and has never known me any other way. Later, we snuggle up and watch Moana. “You are just like […]
Read MoreIt is just past noon and I am still in bed. It is doubtful that I will be able to do much else today. Yesterday, I went for lunch with my daughter, her mother-in-law and the baby, an occasion for which I rested up. One hour we were gone, and then I came home for […]
Read More“I can’t process your application with the information I’ve been given,” the woman on the phone is officious, likely hates her job, I theorize. “Your doctor has only sent me four medical reports; there is not enough here to support an inability to work.” I might have guffawed at this. “I can barely manage day-to-day […]
Read MoreI’m waiting in the RV for my husband to finish shopping and drive us away. This is how a recent dream begins. For over thirty years now, I have been recording and working with my dreams as a means to personal growth. Often, where the dream takes place establishes context. For me, currently disabled and […]
Read MoreThe challenge, when dealing with a chronic illness – in my case ME/CFS – is staying positive. Momentary improvements in health are toppled by extreme crashes. It’s like living in an eddy where, every once a while, the current quiets and it feels as if there might be an escape, and then the weather shifts […]
Read MoreProlonged illness almost always equates to isolation. Initially, kindness reveals itself through visits from friends and coworkers, meals dropped off, and many offers to help in any way. Not yet adjusted to my rapidly changing situation, I was overwhelmed and somewhat embarrassed by such an outpouring, having always considered myself strong and independent. Perhaps, I […]
Read MoreDepression rides along with chronic illness, not as a cause, but as a response. The limitations of this disease (ME/CFS) are not easily defined, yet, if pushed, will result in undeniable consequences. You would think that after three years, I would know this, and yet, I continually fall into patterns of denial. We travelled 3,000 […]
Read MoreListen to your body. Glib advice, especially if ignoring the body is habitual, and compliance is not listed as a character trait. What would my body have to say, I wonder. My legs, stiff and inflexible, lumbering along like Frankenstein; are they telling me to put them up, resign myself to rest? My arms, heavy […]
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One Woman's Quest II 