“How will we cope when you get out of hospital?” I asked my husband during his week-long stay on the Cardiac ward awaiting surgery. “Let me figure that out,” he promised. “There’s plenty of time to worry about that.” I asked him again just prior to surgery, picturing a frail man returning home, and me, […]
While my husband remains in the Cardiac Surgery Recovery Unit (CSRU), I am struggling to maintain some sort of equilibrium so that my own health (ME/CFS) does not worsen. It is a tightrope walk, for sure. The day of surgery, I went to the hospital twice, both for extended periods of time. When I woke […]
Had my second ozone/UVH/Glutathione treatment yesterday. This time there was no surge of physical energy, in fact, I felt quite tired afterwards, although my heart tended to race most of the day, interrupting any attempts at rest. Of course, it could be the onrush of rage I feel at the fall out with my daughters, […]
This post is hard to write, however; I have no where else to vent, and need desperately to process what has happened. Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and inadvertently my two daughters and I had booked a mani-pedi for that date, the original intention being one last pampering for my middle daughter before she goes into […]
“I’ve had this recurring dream in which we are on vacation and he leaves me – just walks away,” I tell my therapist. “I wake up in a panic, feeling abandoned.” “Oh dear,” she says. “I wonder if these dreams would change if he started looking after himself?” “Yes!” I exclaim, relieved. These are not […]
Preoccupation with my own woes blinded me to my husband’s suffering, which culminated in a heart attack on Saturday night. We are shell-shocked. “That’s what happens to caregivers,” a callous nurse commented. Am I supposed to feel guilty? Unable to either drive myself, or push my own wheelchair, I am reliant on the goodwill of […]
My mother birthed six children through the course of two marriages; her first husband, father of the original four, married a woman who also had four children, so we are a family of full, half, step and out-of-step children. Fifteen years separate the oldest and youngest, and as the second youngest, I have never really […]
I have been watching TransParent and I Am Cait with the sort of fascination of someone who has lived the experience – not from the transgendered male’s perspective, but as a daughter. Unfortunately, my father died before Caitlyn Jenner won her award, or education about gender orientation and sexual orientation were readily available. Tragically, when […]