Framing Moments

“I’m going no matter what!”

Two nights of no sleep has made me even more determined to live life, so I shower, fuss with my hair, and even put on makeup. Clothes are not comfortable right now, so I choose a skirt made from cotton t-shirt material and dress it up with a blouse, and some stand-out jewelry. I haven’t looked so good in years.

“I’m taking my camera, and I want you to get some pictures of me for a change.” Usually I hate having my picture taken, but today I am feeling vengeful (against disease).

On our way we pass a horse farm where new colts are staying close to their mothers’ sides. Ric pulls over so I can get some pictures. Later, I’ll delight my mother with the images. She loves horses, and tells me stories from the farm.

After a visit with Mom, we continue on to meet with some of our kids and grandkids. My daughter has ordered Thai food, my favourite, and they even have gluten-free dessert for me.

Armed with bundles of Mother’s Day flowers, I return home, heart bursting, and lots of joyful moments to carry through this in-between time.

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Our focus this week was ‘in-between‘ and as always the contributions were inspiring, thoughtful, and creative. Thanks to all!

Seems WP is not letting me add individual links, so I’ll refer you back to the original post (linked above – fingers crossed). Apart from the guest links, there are also many warm thoughts in the comments worth reading.

See you tomorrow for a new challenge.

Avoidance Therapy

I just want to sleep.

Situational, my therapist calls this type of depression.

Saw my family doctor this week, and she confirmed that the skin condition could be cancer. At best, it is a rare condition that will need specialist care. It is both itchy and painful, but there can be no treatment until the biopsy gives us a diagnosis. So for now, I put up with it.

The doctor also said that my blood work indicated something going on above and beyond the M.E. She sent me with an accompanying report to emergency, and for a moment, I was hopeful that I’d get some answers, but the blood tests performed at the hospital came back as normal.

I feel like a hamster on a wheel. Four years I went through this before being diagnosed with M.E. – traipsed from one specialist to another, all with no answers.

“You’re an enigma,” the emergency doc said. I’ve heard that before.

She did say she’d order more tests on an outpatient basis, so I’m waiting again.

Wake me up when someone knows something.

(Linking up to my weekly challenge: in-between.)

V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #47: In-Between

“Shouldn’t be long,” I tell Ric before passing through into the rows of examining rooms. The receptionist who called yesterday, saying there was a cancellation, suggested this was just a consult and preliminary examination.

My health has been declining since long before we returned home. The thing about having a chronic illness is that it can relapse. I decided to wait for our return to see the doctor.

“I’m a bit of a mess,” I tell the family physician, listing my many complaints. She orders a number of tests and sets up an appointment with a specialist.

The next day she calls with two prescriptions. – antibiotics for a bacteria infection, and cream for a skin complaint.

I take the antibiotics, but don’t feel better. In fact, at the end of the dosage I am worse – running a temperature, and generally unwell. Further testing shows the bacteria is persisting. I am prescribed another round of drugs, this time stronger.

“What have your symptoms been?” the specialist asks me. I tell him what I can remember, totally forgetting the things I’m being treated for.

He leaves the room so that I can change and when he returns explains what he’s about to do. A nurse stands by to assist.

“I’m going to touch you,” he tells me as he lifts my gown, and then he stops.

“Has anyone talked to you about you your skin problem?”

“Yes; I have a cream for it.”

“What cream?” He seems agitated, but carries on with the examination, and then suddenly, he pulls away.

“You know what,” he says, taking off his gloves. “I can’t go any further until we deal with the skin.”

And then he says it…the ‘c’ word.

“Understand,” he says looking me in the eyes. “I’m not saying it is, but what I see is consistent with cancer. I have to eliminate the possibility before we can proceed.”

So they move me to another room, and prepare for a biopsy.

I don’t ask any more questions, feeling a rush of relief that someone is doing something for me (not typical with ME/cfs) and the numbness that follows the utterance of that word.

“Unfortunately,” the doctor says before dismissing me; “the labs are slow, and it will likely be three weeks before I have an answer.”

So now I wait. I’m in-between.

This week, I need your inspiration – where do you go in the in-between? How do you survive it? Or maybe the in-between is ripe with gifts?

(By the way, I’ve been here before, so not too worried – I know how it works – but it’s where my focus will be this week, lol.)

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