Body Count

Behind the restlessness
behind the shortened fuse
behind this continual gut ache
lies a wall of grief.

First four cousins
then another
a grandmother
a favourite uncle

the ongoing knowledge
that at any point my sister
would slip away, disappear
in that great abyss

But first, another cousin
a childhood friend
a suicide
an accident

As promised, I held her hand
as sister succumbed to coma
then death, by then the body
count mounting

Remaining grandma
another cousin – my rock
aunts, uncles,

I chose to turn experience
to support, stood with others
young and old, lives so bright
dimmed in an instance

Behind this unease
a weariness, a fear –
how much loss can one endure
the virus stalks –

It cannot end well.

(Note: my challenge this week was to examine what lies behind, and for me this involved first an acceptance of the depression I am feeling, and then an investigation of what fuels it. While my daughter’s health is on the mend, the virus has hit the nursing home where both my sister and mother live. They are both currently well, but many cannot say the same for their loved ones. This plague is ruthless. Separates and tortures us. Many will experience loss at this time. Let’s be kind to one another, and most importantly, do what is needed to stop the spread.)

Thanks to all who participated this week. Most of you much light than me, lol.

Dreamz, Reena Saxena
Easter Surprise, I Write Her
Golden hours, Eugi’s Causerie
Sharing Thoughts
Strokes of Courage, radhikasreflection
Ourselves Unworded, parallax
Perspective, Curating Thoughts
Transformation, Stuff and what is…
What Lies Behind, Sgeoil

See you tomorrow for a new challenge.

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

16 thoughts on “Body Count

  1. This brought tears to my eyes. 😦 It’s a very sad and stressful time for many. I’m also happy for you that that some family members are still left untouched by this “plague”. I also feel sorrow for Nova Scotians affected my the latest unthinkable horror. Such a tragedy! Keep well, V.J.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t care how cliche it sounds, but my heart aches for all the loss and suffering people are enduring from this virus. Your poem is beautiful in its wrenching intensity and empathy. Thinking about “behind” last week directed me along the same lines as you went…and I hit a wall…not ready to go there, go behind. The enormity of loss all over the world. The impact on families who can’t hold funerals and say goodbye and mourn with others. Being shut out. All of it.
    I am so very glad to read that your daughter, sister and mom are okay. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So beautifully written, dear. Mostly people come together in the times of grief but there those who are still not accepting the gravity of the situation.
    I’m so glad that your daughter is improving. My blessings to her. Have peace n health.

    Liked by 1 person

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