Illness, Life’s Intruder

Before illness (ME/CFS), I had my life lined up, like a shopkeeper perfectly aligning her shelves, ready to get down to business.  One more course and I would be at the top pay scale, qualified to fill many shoes in the education field.  I had landed my dreamed-for job in Special Education, and was starting […]

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No One Will Ever Love You

A secret:  I had to teach myself how to receive love. Born fifth of my mother’s six children, I was unexpected – an ill-advised accident, given the difficulties my mother had in previous child births.  Conceived during a tumultuous time – after the father of her first children abandoned her, beaten and penniless – I […]

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Fake It Till I Make It, Not!

I wasn’t raised to be on disability.  In fact, my military trained father would never allow us to sleep in – up by 5 a.m. on holidays or we’d miss the day – and constantly drilled into us that “idleness was the devil’s playground.” There was no lying around, watching soap operas or movies during […]

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Things Are Looking Up

Had my third Ozonotherapy last week, and apart from feeling flushed and slightly dizzy afterwards (I then realized I was likely dehydrated) I have felt increasingly stronger. “Or is it that you have a new granddaughter?” my husband likes to play Devil’s Advocate. Having a new grandchild is definitely an energy boost – the motivation […]

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Homecoming Hullabaloo

“How will we cope when you get out of hospital?”  I asked my husband during his week-long stay on the Cardiac ward awaiting surgery. “Let me figure that out,” he promised.  “There’s plenty of time to worry about that.” I asked him again just prior to surgery, picturing a frail man returning home, and me, […]

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Salmon Intentions or Battle of the Can

A single onion, its papery crisp coating still intact, sits on a small cutting board, signalling intent.  Beside it, a sharp-edged knife, and an unopened can of salmon. It is the salmon can that has turned this scenario from an action shot to a still-life. I had planned to have it for dinner last night […]

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Tightrope Walking

While my husband remains in the Cardiac Surgery Recovery Unit (CSRU), I am struggling to maintain some sort of equilibrium so that my own health (ME/CFS) does not worsen.  It is a tightrope walk, for sure. The day of surgery, I went to the hospital twice, both for extended periods of time.  When I woke […]

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Rising Fire

Had my second ozone/UVH/Glutathione treatment yesterday.  This time there was no surge of physical energy, in fact, I felt quite tired afterwards, although my heart tended to race most of the day, interrupting any attempts at rest. Of course, it could be the onrush of rage I feel at the fall out with my daughters, […]

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Emotional Backlash (Or Happy F*@#king Mother’s Day)

This post is hard to write, however; I have no where else to vent, and need desperately to process what has happened. Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and inadvertently my two daughters and I had booked a mani-pedi for that date, the original intention being one last pampering for my middle daughter before she goes into […]

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Dental Decisions

“Have nothing to eat or drink after midnight,” the woman told me on the phone. “They are going to put me out,” I tell my daughter, “I’ll need someone to drive me and be with me the rest of the day.” “It’s only a tooth, Mom!” says my eight-month-pregnant middle child.  “I’m happy to stay […]

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