Things Are Looking Up

Had my third Ozonotherapy last week, and apart from feeling flushed and slightly dizzy afterwards (I then realized I was likely dehydrated) I have felt increasingly stronger.

“Or is it that you have a new granddaughter?” my husband likes to play Devil’s Advocate.

Having a new grandchild is definitely an energy boost – the motivation to hold that newborn baby has pushed me into to go mode, for sure.  And when my daughter indicated she was feeling overwhelmed and needed me, I came as close to jumping into IMG_1650supermom action as I have in a long time – calming the baby while she slept, cleaning the kitchen, and whipping up a tuna casserole – all tasks I have not been able to do, without severe repercussions.  (Okay, admittedly, as I write this – one day later – I am still in bed at noon, with severe neck and shoulder pain and legs that won’t cooperate.)  But I did it!

One of the hardest things about having a chronic illness, such as ME/CFS, is the mindset that it will one day just disappear – like a bad case of the flu – and I’ll be able to pick up where I left off.  Such fantastical thinking is only a detriment to progress.

If I look back, a year or two years ago, I can see that I am undoubtedly stronger, can do things I wouldn’t even entertain back then.  There has been movement, although it is a slow incline.

In the past four weeks, since my husband’s heart attack and subsequent surgery, I have had more social interaction – thanks to caring hearts who volunteered to help out – than I’ve had in years.  Two years ago, I had to limit phone conversations to fifteen minutes or less, and even a year ago, I would only see one friend a week for a limited time.  Now I am sharing meals with friends, and able to stay the course of the visit (for the most part).
My husband likes to say that I was having wild parties while he was away.

My doctor would say that socializing is good medicine for the soul.

“You are like  midwives,” I told the two friends who have been here the most.  “overseeing my social rebirth.”

Hard to pinpoint the source of improvement, and does it really matter?  Life is more often than not, one Great Mystery.  With willingness to try and an openness to possibilities, I push forward.  Suffice to say that things are looking up.

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

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