Changing the Lens

Reading through old journals, so much focuses on lack of money. I express guilt for not providing enough as a single mother, anger for being abandoned by my children’s father, and shame for having to rely on others. The feelings still linger. And then I hear my father’s voice:

“The good Lord always provides.”

And I realize, he was right. Yes, I needed help at times. Yes, I worried. At the same time, my children never went without food, shelter, and love. My needs were always met – unconventionally at times – but without fail.

Worry, guilt, and shame need to step aside. Gratitude is taking over. My perception of the past has shifted to one of abundance. How blessed I have been.

Sending out a collective prayer of sincere thanks to all who have supported my journey. Hope I can do the same for others, paying it forward.

(Image my own)

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

25 thoughts on “Changing the Lens

  1. I suspect many of us have journals full of angst! That’s a darn good place to get it off one’s chest (even if only for a few moments). Time shapes perspectives – given time we’ll likely find ourselves helping someone else and noticing that giving feels good. Part of aging into wisdom maybe?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You are welcome, VJ.
        Oh, that guilt is so difficult to shake off! But I have realised time is also a great eraser, it does erase those feelings gradually. Lol.
        Don’t be too harsh with yourself. Your insights are of great help to me. I am always grateful for your presence here.

        Liked by 1 person

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