Conceived in the midst of unbearable psychological drama, I was the reason for my mother’s marriage to my father – a relationship that would cause us all great pain over the years.
Many losses would follow – deaths of grandparents and a favourite uncle, two fires resulting in the loss of five children.
I grew up knowing sorrow, pain, and constant trauma. I was taught that my own problems were nothing, so I hid them, hardening my exterior.
Of course, we all know that doesn’t work, but how do we let go, separate ourselves from that jagged path and move on?
Years of psychology visits has helped. Maturity helps too, and only now, after illness and my own personal losses, am I coming to lose the harshness, embracing joy and learning to let go.
Maybe one day, I’ll be a “steward of substance”. Definitely a worthy goal.
One Woman's Quest II 
You already are a “steward of substance” as evidenced by the kindness I’ve witnessed on your blog so often.
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Thank you 🤗
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You’re welcome!
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This post is very touching. I’m in a process of letting go of old baggage too. Family stuff is the hardest. Life isn’t supposed to be quite this emotionally hard, is it? I think when we find ourselves finally really letting go and allowing for more joy in, it’s a sign that we’re finally loving ourselves properly. So kudos, VJ.
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Thanks Susan. Without letting down the walls we’ve built there is little chance we can truly be of service to others, ie a person of substance. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to self-love, but I have learned to tolerate me, lol.
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Trauma takes its toll and it is not a matter of ‘only if we let it’, it is a matter of recognizing it and working it out one step at a time. You’re doing just that, VJ, and I admire you for it. Hugs.
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You are absolutely right, Eugi. It’s been a long and sometimes arduous journey. Now coming up on 65, I think I’m finally making headway. 😊
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I feel as we get older, we are more on the outside looking in. 💖
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Definitely!
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I was moved by your post, VJ. Cynicism is a good defense mechanism, but ultimately, we’re hardened and diminished by it.
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You’re right, Liz. Not sure I’ve completely chiselled that crustiness away, but I don’t like it.
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I think you already are a steward of substance, VJ. Bless you for taking hardship and doing the hard work to transform it into nuggets of wisdom!
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Thank you for those kind words, Wynne. I decided long ago that I wanted to pave a different path for my children – it was the best I could do.
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❤ ❤ ❤
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From reading your poetry over the years, I would say that you are definitely a “steward of substance”. Sometimes when we are on a journey we don’t always see.
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Thank you, Heather. You’re right, we cannot always see.
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You’re welcome.
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I think all your Ukrainian families (and probably others too) would attest that you have been a hope-giving force to them, V.J.!
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Thanks Tanja, and yes, they tell me often. I am very blessed.
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Important thoughts, VJ. You have had so much trauma to work through and bounce back from that any small hopefulness is to be embraced. Your personal successes and mine give me hope the world can be repaired and I need that optimism today. Thanks for sharing.
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I do believe we can be better people for what we survive, but it does take the willingness to try. You and I have demonstrate that.
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It’s a difficult journey when you experience repetitive loss and hardships, but I too I’m striving to find joy even in the smallest things or the tiniest moments.
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I think that is the key!
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I’m so glad you’re finding joy after all the sorrow, VJ. Trauma can really do a number on us, can’t it? Learning to let go is such a gift. It’s not easy to do, especially when we’ve experienced the type of sorrow and trauma you have. I’m so glad you’ve found your strength and wisdom, and are able to embrace the joy life brings. Sending hugs your way!
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Thanks Terri. I find with the loss of my mom – for whom I was a rock – I’ve lost my footing a bit. It is a process
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I would imagine that’s natural, VJ, but I sure am sorry to hear that. Losing those who are closest to us can certainly shake our foundations. Please give yourself time to grieve and feel all the things you need to feel. As you said, it’s a process. Praying for you my friend.
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😘
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