Focus on the Good

aging, nonfiction, psychology, , , , 22 Comments

I was a ‘bad’ student. I caused trouble for teachers, skipped many classes, and still passed high school with honours. I was an enigma, our Vice Principal said. He didn’t know what to do with me, and ended up inviting me to leave. He was always respectful.

That young woman joined me, many years later, as I became a teacher. She reminded me that children who act out, usually do so because they don’t know how else to cope. It helped me listen to my students and really see them. Connecting with a child’s potential and holding them to their potential was the rewarding part of my work.

The irony is that I can’t hold that same respect for myself. Last night I laid awake for hours, agonizing over something I did as a young woman – how I intentionally hurt another rather than facing up to my feelings and setting clear boundaries. The recipient didn’t deserve my bad behaviour.

Understand, this took place over fifty years ago. Seems I need to meet that part of myself, listen to her, and remind her of her potential. Apparently, her need is keeping me up at nights.

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

22 thoughts on “Focus on the Good”

  1. You’re not alone, VJ. I have a ‘she’ that plagues me when I try to sleep and I ask myself why I am concerned about this now? Sometimes, I turn on my radio so I can hardly hear it and focus on listening so I can replace thoughts with thoughts.💟

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  2. It is odd how these old memories get triggered and we ruminate on a past we can’t change. The beauty is that with a little more time we see that our mistakes were things that helped us learn and grow.

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  4. You hone in on what I’ve found to be true for me too – it’s so hard to offer myself the same grace I offer others. I’m so moved by your ability to find potential in your students. Yes, we act out when we don’t have other ways to cope. Maybe your young woman can stand down now!

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  5. For me, pain points resulting from a resonant memory are showstoppers. Often when I should be sleeping. Your caring soul shines, VJ. The notion of ‘connecting with potential’ in others is everything. 💕

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  6. As we grow old, things that mattered so much in youth and for which we blew our tops, seem inconsequential now. It is not easy, but it is best to try to forgive ourselves. Take solace from the innumerable times you were good. We are allowed to err sometimes. Sending you hugs for helping me process my feelings too.

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    1. Thank you for your kind response. I need to help her see that no one is perfect, I think; that she was responding with all the know-how she had, and that eventually she would learn to put into place those mechanisms needed to be more forthright and self-protecting.

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  7. It’s the goodness in us that wants to repair the world, that wants to change past behaviors that hurt others. I recognize those late night thoughts without solutions. Hugs, Sarah

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