Growing with gratitude for life's challenges
Frankenstein legs, I call them, these long, slender appendages once a treasured asset, now stiff and unpredictable. Hunchbacked is my stance thanks to weakened back muscles. Cruella de Vil has nothing on me, my formerly auburn waves salt and pepper with a shock of white at the front. And when I speak there is hesitation […]
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“Was I right about the doctor?” the middle-aged receptionist asked cheerfully as I emerged from the examination room and waited for my next appointment. “He’s very good,” I agreed. I had hesitated to see one more specialist after a history of dead ends trying to get a diagnosis for what was clearly something wrong with […]
Read MorePain. I push against it. Challenge it, like a warrior intent on proving that I am indestructible, unwilling to flinch. If I ignore it, I tell myself, then it will cease to have power over me. Except, bit by bit it gnaws at my edges, tearing me down and just as I’m about to succumb […]
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Wedged between one satisfactorily completed task and an overload of unfinished chores, I am a mess. We have decided to sell the house, and on the advice of stagers, are tearing everything apart, sorting into three piles: garbage, Goodwill, and keep/store. Purging, we are discovering, is exhausting. In order to do some touch up paint […]
Read More“Grandma, when will you be better?” It is 5:00 on a school morning, and I am sitting at my granddaughter’s bedside nursing her through a sore tummy. “Not sure, Honey.” “Oh,” she shrugs. She is four and has never known me any other way. Later, we snuggle up and watch Moana. “You are just like […]
Read MoreIt is just past noon and I am still in bed. It is doubtful that I will be able to do much else today. Yesterday, I went for lunch with my daughter, her mother-in-law and the baby, an occasion for which I rested up. One hour we were gone, and then I came home for […]
Read More“I can’t process your application with the information I’ve been given,” the woman on the phone is officious, likely hates her job, I theorize. “Your doctor has only sent me four medical reports; there is not enough here to support an inability to work.” I might have guffawed at this. “I can barely manage day-to-day […]
Read MoreThe challenge, when dealing with a chronic illness – in my case ME/CFS – is staying positive. Momentary improvements in health are toppled by extreme crashes. It’s like living in an eddy where, every once a while, the current quiets and it feels as if there might be an escape, and then the weather shifts […]
Read MoreProlonged illness almost always equates to isolation. Initially, kindness reveals itself through visits from friends and coworkers, meals dropped off, and many offers to help in any way. Not yet adjusted to my rapidly changing situation, I was overwhelmed and somewhat embarrassed by such an outpouring, having always considered myself strong and independent. Perhaps, I […]
Read MoreDepression rides along with chronic illness, not as a cause, but as a response. The limitations of this disease (ME/CFS) are not easily defined, yet, if pushed, will result in undeniable consequences. You would think that after three years, I would know this, and yet, I continually fall into patterns of denial. We travelled 3,000 […]
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One Woman's Quest II 