“You never express your feelings, Mom. Everything gets swept under the rug.”
This from my middle daughter, who raged at me recently for never being available to help, She has an expectation that Grandparents should be always on call.
“And why did you choose to live so far away!”
It’s 45 minutes by car, and as my psychologist at the time pointed out – “It’s a healthy boundary.”
I remember feeling the same way about my mom.
I pointed out the double standard – how all my children moved much further away with no intention of returning home, although they all did. How no one drives the 45 minutes to visit me, unless I am offering childcare.
It’s true that I don’t criticize or express my anger at my children. Having grown up in an explosive household, I just wanted my brood to experience a peaceful upbringing. But history repeats itself, and emotions do not bury well. They fester, and grow ungainly limbs, and re-emerge, from generation to the next.
At least we are now talking.
One Woman's Quest II 
It is certainly different from when I was a mom and religiously drove to my parents to visit.
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Definitely different.
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At least you are talking. Good point. Your psychologist’s line reminds me of the quote from Prentice Hemphill, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
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I love that Wynne.
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It just doesn’t feel right, does it? I could only avoid passing on the family uglies by just not having children. I hope that your daughter has a change of heart.
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Thanks Eilene. For the moment both my daughters are talking to me again.
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This is so hard, so emotionally draining. I’m sorry VJ. (K)
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Thanks K.
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Wishing you peace, VJ.
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Thanks Tanja.
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I vowed that I would never make the same mistakes with my daughter that my mother made with me. I didn’t. I made different ones. Parenting is a very demanding and lifelong commitment. I used to beat myself up about the mistakes I made, but, in the long lens of time, I see that the “mistakes” were not all about me. Good for you for your boundaries!
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I think we all vow to do better than our parents, so we swing the pendulum the other way. Mistakes are unavoidable.
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It didn’t seemed okay to press the like button here.
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Thanks Hammad. Families! We all have them, and they leave us so much material to work with.
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I hear you !
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🤗
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I’m very to hear that.
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*sorry
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Thanks.
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I feel what you shared about avoiding critiques and anger as a parent, given your childhood experiences, VJ. “Emotions do not bury well”. 💕
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I keep looking for the manual that came with each of them and darned if I can find it. 🙃
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Ha ha! If you find it…will you share? I bet there will be relatable gems and ‘how to’ advice! 🥰
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If I find it, I could be rich, lol.
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….in so many ways! 🥰😉🥰
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I think they expect a one-sided relationship- we give they take. 🥹
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I think you are right on about that Sadje. Sigh
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Ours is the unique generation that tried to please their parents and then their children.
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Oh, yes. So true
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Yes, we are unique 😅
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