Pain Fog

The hockey game blares from the front of the bus with a confidence I am not feeling.

Yesterday, I had two cracked and very infected teeth extracted, and my jaw is in intense pain.

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” the dentist told me.  Apparently, I had clenched so hard that I split my back molars in half.

Gritting my teeth, I’m discovering, is what I do in response to pain, especially when it settles in face as fibromyalgia is known to do.  I’ll need a night guard.

treesnhouseWe went to visit our financial advisor at the bank, followed by our accountant, and it looks like buying a house now is the best option.  So, the search has suddenly turned real. We’ll be spending the long weekend house shopping.

Right now, I am lying in a darkened room, praying for restorative sleep (a rarity with my disease) and affirming to myself that we will find the perfect place for our needs and all will be well.

I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.  Even forming a sentence tonight is painful. So, I won’t linger here too long.

“We’ve been through a lot,” I told Ric earlier; “and what we’ve learned is that we are adaptable.  Wherever we decide to live, it will work, because we’ll make it work.”

This much I know is true.

treeshadowI can sense worry, like shadows, creeping in around me, but I am too tired to give it a voice tonight.  Fatigue sets all my senses on overdrive, and every noise, smell, or ray of light feels invasive.

I turn on my mattress heater, pull the blankets around me, and ask Ric to turn down the game.

Worry can wait till tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

2 thoughts on “Pain Fog

  1. Image of shadowed sidewalk intrigues … given how hot it’s been here this week shadows imply shade, cooling, a plus. But they also imply dimmer light, overhead obscured, a hindrance. Perhaps worry is also two-sided – unpleasant while at same time obscuring distractions we might otherwise be chasing to exhaustion. Worry forces focus. Always curious the energies that collide and pile up at a given time!
    Wishing you and Ric synchronicity soon in stumbling into the right house.
    Wishing you speedy gum healing.

    Liked by 1 person

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