I am the one who put forth the relationship challenge this week, and I have to confess, I am struggling with how to articulate my feelings. Fast approaching my sixtieth birthday, I find I am sentimental, or maybe, it’s that after years of isolation due to illness, I now treasure relationship more than ever. Either way, how can I do justice to something that means so much?
Our trip this week was to the home of a very dear friends, whose acquaintance dates back to high school days. L is the anti-thesis of me: calm, and steady. Just being in her presence puts me at ease: I feel safe, respected, and accepted.
There are times in my life when L has been my champion. During an unwanted pregnancy scare, she confronted my then boyfriend as to his intentions. When devastated by an unforeseen divorce, she hugged me and told me I didn’t deserve it, and then furnished a home for the kids and I.
Recently, she told me that people are naturally drawn to me, that I make them feel better about themselves. Her words surprised me – are we mirrors for one another?
The gift of her friendship, knowing that I am always welcome in her home, has value beyond words. Of course, the same welcome is extended to her and her husband, but as I always do, I wonder what I bring to the relationship?
Loyalty, for certain, but I hope something more. I hope that I bring to her a comparable comfort, a knowing that she is loved for who she is, and a reassurance that she is never alone – that I care always, even when we are apart.
I have struggled with relationships, likely the product of a troubled childhood, and I chastise myself often for not doing enough, for not being enough. I feel as if I’m overbearing, and a burden, and worry that I have taken more than I give. Even as we pulled away on Saturday morning, and a warm glow lingered, I felt the doubts seep in. It is a demon I have to overcome.
Forty-six years of friendship should teach me otherwise, and the text I received when we got home: Love having you…anytime…any (or no) reason!
How blessed I am.
How about you? Is there that one relationship that makes you feel better about yourself?
Love to hear from you.
(Featured image is from personal collection.)