“No matter what your religious affiliation, your relationship with God the Father, is directly representative of your relationship to small ‘f’ father.”
Although I am paraphrasing here, the words from Joan Borysenko rang true. The workshop was entitled “The Heart of the Healer”. Borysenko was challenging us to examine our beliefs.
My father was intolerant, boastful, eccentric, and an alcoholic. While he preached compassion and acceptance, he seldom practiced it. His declarations of love usually spewed from whiskey-scented breath while his hands held me in a death grip.
I loved, but could not trust my father. I respected aspects of him: his intelligence, his strength, and his command of the written word.
In church on Sundays, every mention of He, especially the ones that insisted I had sinned, just felt like more punishment that I had no hope of reconciling. Of course, it’s more complicated than that.
I struggle with faith and what I believe. It’s not that life hasn’t provided me with enough miracles to believe that a higher power exists, nor that I am closed to such a possibility. It’s just that in the depth of my suffering, I still believe that illness is punishment, and that forgiveness is doled out only to the worthy.
Silly, I know. I’m a rational, intelligent, individual – all of which have nothing to do, it seems, with beliefs.
Guess, I’m still a work in process.
Thank you to all who shared their perspectives on belief this week. We are an enlightening bunch.
A note about upcoming challenges:
As some of you may know, I’ve been struggling with health issues. At the same time, my husband is awaiting a phone call for major surgery. I have set posts to release on the days ahead, but cannot guarantee my presence.
I will resume the challenge when life settles. Thanks for your understanding.