Re-emergence

aging, Chronic Illnes, Health, , , 34 Comments

Hard to pinpoint when it all started. Was it the night before, when I pushed myself to finish that knitting project even though my eyes were so blurry that I had to feel my way through? Was it the day before, when I noticed that my breathing was compromised? I do know that I awoke that morning, already tired, but with Ric laid up, all the chores were on me – and there were plenty.

Mid-morning, I noted difficulty breathing again, but on the way to my inhaler, Ric asked for a couple of things, and then I remembered that I had an appointment downtown in 20 minutes. In the waiting room, as I felt myself choking for air, I realized my error. The receptionist ushered me out of the waiting room and into the treatment room. I was here for a relaxation session, so I knew I’d be in good hands.

As my therapist began the treatment, I closed my eyes and took conscious breaths. The constriction eased, and I surrendered to calm.

And then, suddenly, I was dizzy. We tried water, a pee break, but nothing worked. I sat in the car and waited for it to pass, but it was stubborn. Just needed to get dog food, and something for dinner, then I would return home and use my inhaler, I told myself.

Walking into the grocery store, I knew I was in trouble. I would not be able to fight my way through this spell – whatever it was. I drove home trying to ignore my worsening vision, went straight for my inhaler, and then to the bed. Lying down, everything began to spin violently. I called out for help.

That was Monday. Five days later, promising the doctor I would return if it happened again, I left hospital. The spinning, gasping, vomiting and blurriness took four days to subside. No answers yet, but a CT scan ruled out a stroke.

This is my first attempt at screens. I am starting to plan my next knitting project. No matter how life gets us down, the spirit is resilient.

One step at a time.

(Artwork: The Fractured Forest, by me)

Unknown's avatar

Posted by

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

34 thoughts on “Re-emergence”

  6. Not being able to breathe is the worst feeling. I hope they can figure out what happened so it doesn’t happen again.
    On a totally separate note, that artwork is gorgeous. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. Oh, VJ, so sorry to hear about your recurrence. You certainly have a lot on your plate right now. My husband and I usually take turns. I hope you have good supports. It’s amazing to me how we are determined to push through. And how resilient we can be. Hugs to you! I also love the art!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a reply to VJ Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.