How do we measure worth?

aging, children, memoir, psychology, Thoughts, , 27 Comments

My therapist recommends that I keep a scrapbook to preserve any accolades and I just laugh. My hubby bought me a leather bound book once for that very reason. I have no idea where it is and am pretty sure it is mostly empty. Not that I haven’t received any positive feedback – just that I trouble owning it.

I thought about buying a small notepad where I can list my accomplishments at the end of each day: wrote a blog post, made dinner, finished a painting. Since chronic illness, the lists are shorter than before, but the feeling of being underproductive is the same.

“My husband can spend the day watching TV and playing games on his phone, and he is unfazed. I feel guilty for wasting time if I turn on the TV.”

“Where does this drive stem from?” she asks.

My mind flashes to childhood and Sunday mornings, when the Sound of Music, or Fiddler on the Roof would blare from the dining room stereo: our signal to rise from bed and line up for morning drills. No slacking in our house. Father would set up the furniture in an obstacle course and we would do our maneuvers till he was satisfied and then line us up again for our morning chores. This was his castle and we needed earn our place within it.

Of course, it been years since I lived in the man’s palace – 49 to be exact – so how am I still beholden to measure of worth?

“If you do anything,” I hear Dad say, “be the best. Do it 110% or not at all.”

No 110%s anymore, Dad.

So how do we measure worth?

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

27 thoughts on “How do we measure worth?”

  2. I had a similar childhood my parents instilled a strong work ethic. Yet they also expected perfection which was an unattainable goal. They kept us busy. Sometimes it felt like our worth was based on busyness. But that’s not how God values our worth. It takes a lifetime to unlearn some lessons in childhood.

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  3. I can relate to this. I feel I always to be productive and accomplish something, and it stems from my childhood. I am a fidgety person with the attitude of do, doing, done. Even when I try to relax, my mind is thinking of what to do next. In a way, I like it but sometimes I feel trapped in that mindset.

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  4. It’s hard to get that voice out of your head.
    I have productivity anxiety too. I’m sure it will never go away. But at least I’m aware of it. I think it’s part of being raised to be “good girls”. Boys are always allowed to “be boys”. Girls always need to be making a contribution. (K)

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  5. I hear you, VJ. During the six months of cancer treatments, I could do nothing, no accomplishment. Being a task oriented person, I finally accepted that being is more important than doing. My family wants me to be alive, well or unwell.

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  6. Oh, that is such a great question, VJ. And one I relate to so well – defining myself by what I get done.

    I’m struck by one of your sentences at the beginning of this piece, “just that I have trouble owning it.”

    Perhaps that’s the place to start – embodying the list of what has been accomplished.

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  8. It’s maddening how those early messages are so lasting and permanent in our heads/hearts about “worth” and accomplishments, achievements…”enough” is never enough. I think your comment about having trouble “owning” positive feedback will resonate with a few folks, VJ. Ever focused on what’s next instead of relishing what is. xo! 💕

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  9. I love this post; it’s the last thing I’m reading before going to bed; strive, yes, achieve, yes but remember the words of that Walker Brothers song: ‘take it easy on yourself’ —

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