In my family of origin, the emphasis was on drama – who is doing what, and how they should change it. It was akin to a herd of cats all chasing each others tails.
I understand now that this the dance of co-dependency. It’s a hard pattern to break free from.
Bottomline is that I alone am responsible for my actions and outcomes. Others have the right to follow their own path and experiences similarly.
Naturally, I slip back from time to time, and those old feelings of rejection slip in.
Good to have a reminder on hand.
How do you avoid old emotional traps?
One Woman's Quest II 
Nice 👍
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Thank you
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I remind myself that I’m living my right life and that I must be kind to myself. Can’t assume that from others. Staying in touch with good friends and having some laughs.
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Good advice!
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Ah, this is so insightful, VJ! Now that you mention it, I know I’m slipping into the hard resolve, no complaining allowed of my childhood when I feel my jaw clench! You are so right – hard patterns to break.
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Jaw clenching, indeed! Thanks Wynne
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It’s hard to break long-established patterns. Sometimes, if a relationship is too unhealthy, it’s best for all parties involved to sever ties.
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I agree, Tanja, although I have a hard time severing ties – too loyal, I guess.
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Writing is a refuge and never lets me down. And I try to be kind to myself…I am no Atlas!😉
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Well said. Thank goodness for writing
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Especially after our father died, it was hard to admit to myself that not everyone in the family wanted unity, but finally I did. Letting go of an ideal of something can be hard, and yes, it is a process.
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Death has such an impact on the dynamic. I notice that after my oldest sister died.
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I use positive self-talk I learned in CBT.
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Very useful!
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Ohhh. I feel you, VJ. As if ‘drama’ belonged on the family crest. I think my awareness, learning how to step aside, look back with sharper vision helps me. The hurts are still there, but they become less potent. 💕
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“Drama belonged on the family crest” – yes it did! You always have the right words to make me smile, Victoria. 😘
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I feel the same about you! xo! 🥰
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❤️
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VJ, you have illuminated a central issue for self esteem. I try to tell myself ‘it’s not about me’ as soon as the doubts start rising. But to avoid old ’emotional traps’, especially with family where I believe the bond is more emotional than cognitive driven, sometimes you have to avoid the family, at least for a time…
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Right on, Sarah. It is family who triggers me the most – not family of origin so much but my own kids. Sigh….
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Getting rid of these old feelings that we have carried since younger days is hard. But constant reminder to oneself often is helpful.
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Agreed, Sadje. These Wednesday posts are really memos to myself. 😁❤️
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That’s a good idea
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There is a passage which Louise Hay mentions in some of her audios that talks about this exact thing. I listen to her pleasant voice when I fall into these traps myself… And try to reprogram my brain away from the traps.
I have saved a few of her videos on YouTube for this purpose. Would you like me to send you the links?
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Thanks. I have followed Louise Hay for many years and I agree, we need to reminders.
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I know it’s hard but I manage. I am happy to be a part of WP as several blogs have helped me otherwise moving forward wouldn’t be possible.
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I agree that writing in a tribal writing community has been and continues to be helpful.
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💕
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I agree Rupali. There are many wise and helpful voices on here. 💕
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