Even at 67, I am discovering new insights about myself. One of them is that I protect myself with walls – as impenetrable as concrete, yet invisible. I like to tell myself they don’t exist. And yet when I think about my relationships, I feel the ache of distance.
I alternate between warm and standoffish and I’m not sure how to close that gap. How to be more open to others without fearing loss of self? Is it a matter of boundaries – I’m getting better at that – or is it deeper? Is it just that we’re living in a digital world that encourages hands off interactions, or am I truly on to something?
One Woman's Quest II 
Don’t see it as a negative, VJ. Being standoffish sometimes means you have erected a boundary to feel safer. There’s nothing wrong with that.
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Thanks Susi.
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You’re welcome!
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Could it depend on who you are talking to? Perhaps not everyone is meant to see in deeply. It reminds me of a quote from Parker J. Palmer, “The inner life of any great thing will be incomprehensible to me until I develop and deepen an inner life of my own.”
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Oh, I like that quotation. I am choosing distance from most people because of my health. Actually, I’m choosing who I want to be with. Mostly, I;m thinking of my children.
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I have trouble opening up to others now too, although when I was young I had friends I could tell everything to. We accumulate hurts and it’s hard not to let that turn into fear. (K)
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Right! How could we not be more guarded.
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Both setting boundaries and crossing over them are hard. I too struggle with both, pushing myself forward sometimes, and stepping back to protect my space. other times.
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Exactly
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I have a daughter like that- distant. And I feel she’s missing out on close family relationships.
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It’s hard to break through those barriers.
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Very true. With my daughter, being a single parent has made her very protective of her life. She doesn’t share anything about her life, job etc. I feel very sorry for her, but can’t force her to break these barriers.
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I understand. I see my daughter doing the same.
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It’s sad, but you can’t force intimacy on anyone. Though I believe sharing helps us in seeing our problems clearly, if people aren’t ready for that, nothing can be done. Thanks a lot for listening and understanding. 💕🌷💕
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I get it. For me, it’s trust— do I truly trust others.
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Just had this conversation with my therapist. I think as long as I can trust myself to do the right thing – protect myself – than I should be ok.
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