Reclaiming Mindfulness

Post marital disruption, I would go to the river every day, say a prayer for guidance, power walk off the stress, and then sit in quiet contemplation facing the water. My son referred to it as “Mom finding inner peace.”

Power walking is a thing of the past, and every day is no longer doable, but the river is still there, and I am still able to pray, and most recently, I’ve decided to reclaim my mindful practice.

Today, the sky is clear and calm, the water a mirror. It is easy to let go of cares when Nature reflects such beauty.

The trail offers a canopy of green, and all around life is abounding. The gloom that I have brought with me seems so out of place.

Small, yellow birds flit about and sing from the treetops, their songs of joy contagious.

I remember a vow I made to myself, years ago, before my then marriage fell apart. Life had been hard, and full of conflict and trauma, and I knew I needed to make choices to end the pattern of victimhood. I could not undo the past, but I could make changes going forward.

Illness has threatened to make me a victim again. These past months even more so. I need to reign myself in.

“If you want to stop being a victim, stay out of the emotional vacuum.” The words fall on me in a moment of receptivity. “Emotions are markers – acknowledge them as such, and move on.”

It’s the lesson I needed this day. Life throws challenges. I feel, I ponder, then I rise to the occasion. Mindful.

(My challenge this week is “reclaim“.)

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

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