Perpetually seeking Balance

aging, Chronic Illnes, disability, ME/CFS, , , 25 Comments

Bit by bit, these Autumn days have drained me, and still I push.

First there was the trip to Toronto for tests (none of them revealing answers), then; we decided to host Thanksgiving, which involved three days of preparation (I thought I’d be okay if I did most of the work in advance), and then; a commitment to babysit two of the granddaughters, and an impromptu birthday party.

I tell myself, I’m going to rest and recharge. I look at the empty days on my calendar, and think: “There! and There! Days I have no commitments.” How have I not learned by now that a blank page on a calendar is an opening for further busyness?

I need to pen in restoration.

Like the tree in my ink drawing, I am not fully here.

Perpetually seeking balance…

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

25 thoughts on “Perpetually seeking Balance”

  1. I find myself, too, at one end or the other when it comes to balance. Homeostasis is what mode my body is in CONSTANT searching for. It’s more like a mood that I wish to inherit, that really gives me no excitement or contentment. Having spent such a busy last 28 years raising kids and grandkids, losing sight of myself, or never actually figuring out who I am, is now what’s driving this primal need to refocus on myself and GET OUT THERE!!! But if I cannot find a middle point, I often find myself extremely exhausted, or horribly bored. What am I missing here…..

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    1. I get it Hilary. So difficult to shift gears. And then menopause, and in my case, chronic illness…argh. Thanks for dropping by and sharing in the conversation.

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  7. I’m a big fan of penciling in those days when you need to rest and relax…rejuvenate, restore. I’m not very good at following through, but I like the concept. Here’s hoping you can wrangle your calendar to give yourself the time you deserve. Sending hugs! 🥰

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  10. I find the days between Thanksgiving all the way to Easter are exhausting. We have most of the family birthdays during that time, along with the holidays and the cold weather makes me really look forward to Spring.

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