Cornered

aging, challenges, Chronic Illnes, Health, nature, psychology, , , 25 Comments

It was the pitch of the two dogs barking in the backyard that alerted me to trouble. That and Pippi, the female, growling. The two had cornered a young groundhog between the deck steps and a tiered planter. After I sternly sent them back inside, I went out to check on the animal’s wellbeing.

“He’s scared to death!” my husband responded when I said the poor thing wasn’t moving. I cooed and coaxed, but the animal remained frozen.

I know how she feels. After a week of physio and occupational therapy – follow up appointments from my hospital stay – I am beginning to feel as if life is closing in on me again.

It’s an undiagnosed problem with my eyes that is triggering the vertigo, according to the physiotherapist. While I visit my eye doctor monthly to monitor the situation, the referral to a neurological specialist is taking time.

“You will need to use a walker 24/7,” the OT tells me, “and we’ll work together to find ways to make day-to-day life more manageable.”

A PSW is assigned to help me bathe, once a week.

Ric pokes the young groundhog with the end of a rake and she startles and flees – back to the wilderness that stretches out behind us.

I’m still looking for the focus that will set me in motion, this current paralysis being fed by fear.

One thing I know about myself is that though I may feel cornered in the moment, I will find my way out. I always do.

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

25 thoughts on “Cornered”

  3. We have a groundhog in the yard next door in the city house who gets Tucker irate! 😵‍💫

    Your vertigo sounds troubling. Someone needs to send you to a get an MRI… Keep advocating for yourself, so you can get the medical attention you need.

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  6. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with yet another challenge, VJ. That fear can be hard to get past, but I know you’ll conquer it, just as you’ve conquered so many other obstacles. You know I’ll be keeping you in my prayers sweet friend. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.

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  7. Dear VJ, you are certainly being handed a series of challenges. I hope your resilience is equally accumulative. And I hope some of these accommodations can be reversed in the future. I am reminded of that old cigarette ad “you’ve come a long way”.
    Know you have a supportive community rooting for you.
    Hugs, Sarah

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