Let Responsibility Lie Where It Belongs

aging, family, psychology, relationship, Thoughts, , , 22 Comments

I was raised to be a fixer. Right up there with people pleaser, it’s a hard practice to shake.

Recently, I’ve been struggling with my husband’s new habit of staying up late. I worry about whether or not he’s getting enough sleep, and concerned that he’ll hurt his neck if he falls asleep sitting up. I talk to him about it and nothing changes. It’s affecting my sleep and I’m starting to get angry.

I bring the issue to my therapist, who reminds me that my husband is an adult and has the right to his own choices. He also has the right to his own consequences. However, I might want to look at what this change is triggering in me.

Damn, she’s right.

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

22 thoughts on “Let Responsibility Lie Where It Belongs”

  2. “People pleaser” is a hard one to break, when it is not only intrinsic in us, but we also grow up in a culture that reinforces the behavior. (“I’m sorry, eh?” You know I know, VJ…) And fixer and please go naturally hand-in-hand. I’ve had to do a lot of self-monitoring on this (these) as my soul grows, but it is oh-so freeing when we get it! 🙂

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  3. I try not to be a people pleaser, but easier said than done. Years of being a certain way is hard to undo. Sometimes my hubby takes in my suggestions, and sometimes not. I don’t push it and find it works out better for both of us.

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  9. Even if we think we know what’s best for someone else, we don’t really have the right to tell them how to live their lives. Whenever I find myself in a similar situation, I have to admit to myself that it’s an attempt, however subconscious, to control someone else’s life and decisions. I don’t appreciate when someone tries to do that to me, so I need to learn to take a step back–and take a deep breath. 😊

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  10. First off, I love the art!
    The therapist makes a good point but the direction is hard to follow. Partly because the choices of someone we live with also affects us. So I tend to do both – offer unsolicited advice and keep quiet about my concerns. Sometimes my husband ends up doing what I suggest later. Relationships, like aging – “not for sissies”.

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