Adjusting Focus

disability, Health, ME/CFS, nonfiction, Thoughts, , , 32 Comments

Sometimes my focus is off. Like in the photo above – I thought I was capturing the body of water beyond, but in reality I only managed to get the fronds and a bit of fence.

I’m still sick. I’ve stopped counting the days, but two bouts of antibiotics and many weeks later, I am still struggling to breathe, and spiking daily fevers. “Go back to the hospital!” my mother commands, but really, when you suffer from a chronic (and rare) disease, the hospital is not always a friendly place.

I am staying out of everyone’s way, not wanting to spread whatever is afflicting me, nor the crabbiness that I feel. How am I ever going to get better with two 4-year-olds in the house constantly rotating cold germs?

See what I mean: my focus sucks right now. I am feeling defeated and helpless. My usual: This too shall pass! is MIA.

The thing is, once I let go of disappointment and frustration with myself, I actually like the photo. It’s unexpected and kind of cool, in an artsy way. So what do I have to let go of to accept this current circumstance and surrender to healing?

No answers today, but just know I am editing my attitude.

Posted by

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

32 thoughts on “Adjusting Focus”

      1. Oh I know it. I finally woke up today early enough to eat breakfast and I had to force myself to eat breakfast but I still don’t feel very well right now so I’m still sitting at the table.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I liked the photo, VJ. And I would be feeling helpless myself. I have taught Kindergarten and that age is a germy one for sure. I wish there was a way to settle that family elsewhere and give you a chance to heal. We need people like you. Your mojo will return!!
    hugs,
    Sarah

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks Sarah. That’s the problem exactly. Ongoing colds that my immune system just can deal with. I am thinking about finding myself a room somewhere to get some much needed rest.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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